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Disneyland is Coming to Jerusalem!

Okay, not exactly. What we have here though are megalomaniac Ministries of Tourism and Transportation - with no sense of reality - which think that what Jerusalem is missing is a bunch of Disneyland-type attractions.

Exhibit A: The Old City Cable Car

Plans are in the works - barring an appeal to the Supreme Court - to build a cable car from the old Ottoman train station complex ("First Station") over to a station built over the archaeological site across from the City of David, which was once the Givati parking lot. "Architects, academics, preservation experts and tour guides, from Israel and overseas, have called it a poorly thought-out idea that will scar the historic landscape with 15 massive pylons, sully unique views of the Old City and its walls — a UNESCO World Heritage Site — and do little to solve the city’s traffic problems." The chief research scientist at Mobileye [the driverless car phenomenon that Intel bought for $15.3 billion], who knows a thing or two about traffic patterns, made his own study and found it to be ridiculous.

There is a simple answer to the Old City traffic: a constant barrage of free shuttles. One shuttle which should enter Jaffa Gate, go through the Jewish Quarter, drop off inside the walls by the Western Wall and loop back around outside the walls, drop off at Zion Gate and continue back to Jaffa Gate. A second shuttle should go around the Old City Walls with dropoffs by Damascus Gate, Lions Gate (near the Garden of Gethsemane), outside Dung Gate and below Jaffa Gate.

Note: This is not to be confused with the old cable car that brought supplies to Jewish forces on Mt. Zion during the War of Independence and the divided city period.

Exhibit B: The Train Line Straight to the Western Wall

That's right. Our Transportation Minister has illusions of grandeur: extending the high-speed train line, which currently runs from Tel Aviv to the entrance to Jerusalem (via Ben Gurion Airport), all the way to the Dung Gate by the Western Wall. Do you realize what his would entail? You can't dig anywhere in Israel without running into antiquities. And now you want to build an underground train line below Jerusalem which comes out by the Western Wall? Are you insane? Even if somehow you can avoid antiquities and cemeteries, think of the potential structural damage to the Old City!

Exhibit C: The Ferris Wheel at the Jerusalem Promenade

Now there is talk of building a Ferris wheel at the Haas Promenade, a famous stop on itineraries due to its overlook of the city [welcome ceremonies are generally held here or, if coming from the east, Mt. Scopus or the Mount of Olives]. Even if it is only half the size of the London Eye, is it really necessary? There is already a wonderful view of the city from the overlook. And we already have a Ferris wheel in Tel Aviv which is completely ignored by tourists. Do we really need another?

What's next? Temple Mountain? Pirates of the Holy Sepulchre? It's a Small Shuk After All? The 4 Simba Synagogues? The Tower of Donald (Duck)? Frozen Falafel Kingdom?

Please. Visit us now before it's all over. Your tour guide of Israel is accepting applications for 2021. Space is limited. Get here before Mickey Mouse does...

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