• Kobi Tour Guide of Israel

Bagel Crimes... Crimes Against Jewsanity

Updated: Aug 21

Yesterday I did something I have not done in years. I had an American Sunday Brunch which included, of course, bagels. Sunday is a work/school day in Israel - when you are not an unemployed tour guide of Israel - so it is pretty hard to pull it off during regular times. But the opportunity presented itself thanks to Corona.


Yet it seems today that there is nothing that is not controversial. Even the innocuos bagel - and how it is treated or mistreated, what constitutes a bagel, which toppings are acceptable, and are dark breads okay and if not is that somehow racist - is being called into question. And so my lovely brunching partner and I had ourselves a small debate (I managed to use empirical evidence - aka a taste test - to show that one can put whitefish salad and cream cheese together on a bagel as there is no such thing as a "no two-spread rule.") In any case we turned to the internet to provide clarity and found the following gems...


https://www.huffpost.com/entry/bagels-sliced-like-bread_l_5c9d095ee4b03218ee1ca6ea

https://mashable.com/article/worst-bagel-crimes/

https://twitter.com/bagelcrimes?lang=en


These are truly horrible perversions of justice, terrible crimes against humanity and an affront to the laws of God and nature themselves. And if you believe that, imagine how any real transgressions of ours will be considered in the heavenly court. Indeed, I pray with a nod to these days and times, may these be the only crimes that any of us ever commit....


Fortunately, there will be none of these bagels - or any bagels for that matter - on my culinary tour of Israel (https://www.tourguideofisrael.com/culinary-tours). There are too many other delightful and delectable things for us to experience here on a culinary level, even if they happen to be, ahem, holy.

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